sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
