If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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