The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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