You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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