just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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