She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
