You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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