Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
