i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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