i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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