One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
