Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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