the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
