yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
