I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
