its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
