just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
