u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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