I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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