They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
