My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
