I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
