my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
