There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
