Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
