1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
