I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
