i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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