he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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