my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize