why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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