I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Randomize
