Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
