Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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