i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
