It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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