Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
