my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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