What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize