...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
