Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
