I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My feet surprised me
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