shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
