I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
