He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
