my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
