just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
