I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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