Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
