Who wears a wallet chain?!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
