My cat gives me a boner
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again