True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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