I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
