i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
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He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.