ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
