sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
