My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
