I wish you could order shots online.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize