Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
