he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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