if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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