I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.