he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10