I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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