This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'