Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night