haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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