Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
