my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
