i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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