My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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