smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
