So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
