So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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