Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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