Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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